Stewart Francis Jokes

The best Stewart Francis jokes, quotes, tweets and one-liners.

Stewart Francis

Stewart Francis

Stand-up comedian



You know who give kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.celebrity


My wife and I have decided we don’t want children. If anybody does, we can drop them off


We have a little girl who we named after my mom. In fact Passive Agressive Psycho turns 5


Through no fault of his own my uncle crashed his car into a lemon tree. He is still bitter and twisted.familypuns


I am the youngest of three. Both my parents are older.familyobservational


I used to be a plastic surgeon, which raised a few eyebrows.jobsmedicalpuns


I’d like to dedicate this to my father, who was a roofer. So Dad, if you’re up there…jobsword play


At school the other kids used to push me around and call me lazy. I loved that wheelchair.misc


Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A tiny part of me says yes.punswife


I was standing in the park thinking why does a frisby appear larger the closer it gets, and then it hit me.puns


I used to be a mime. It’s only now I can talk about


Money wise I’m set for life – provided I die next Tuesday.misc


I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I refused to be spoken to in that


My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance – We’ll see about that!misc


I don’t think I got the job at Microsoft. They haven’t responded to my


Unfortunately for agoraphobics the cure is just around the corner.medical


Ladies, I wasn’t circumcised, I was


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