Les Dawson Jokes

The best Les Dawson jokes, quotes and one-liners taken from his long career on stage and TV.

Les Dawson

Les Dawson

One of the all-time great comedians



I should like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.family


If it wasn’t for marriage, men and women would have to fight with strangers.marriage


My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.wife


I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.medical


Our house was so cold we put the milk in the fridge to stop it freezing.misc


I said to the chemist: “Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?” He said: “Why?” I said: “She keeps waking up.”wife


I’m so far behind with the mortgage repayments that the arrears are written in Latin.misc


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