Sport Jokes

Funny sport jokes – that’s jokes about sport, sports men and women, sporting events…

Boxers don’t have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don’t fancy each other.sexsport

Jimmy Carr

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They’re relentless.sport

Mitch Hedberg

All kinds of records could be set simply by letting Oscar Pistorius fire the starting pistol at the Women’s 100 metres.sporttopical

Frankie Boyle

I have a problem with that silver medal. It’s like “Congratulations, you almost won… You are the number one loser.”sport

Jerry Seinfeld

Who invented the pommel horse? Was it a cowboy with ADD?sport

Robin Williams

The luge is the only sport I’ve ever seen that you could have people competing in it against their will and it would be exactly the same.observationalsport

Jerry Seinfeld

Bowling’s great. You’ve got to love a sport where you can eat while you’re playing it.sport

Jim Gaffigan

I have just endorsed Andy Murray for tennis on LinkedIn.sporttopical

@MooseAllain

The winter olympics are pointless. I assume the only reason we have them is so white people feel relevant in sports.sport

Daniel Tosh

I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics. I got bronze.sport

Tim Vine

Badminton should not be a sport. It’s like watching two blokes hitting a dandelion with a sieve.observationalsport

Andi Osho

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.sport

Joan Rivers

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
puns
sport

Tim Vine

My boss sacked me because of my long-jump obsession. I came out of his office and cleared my desk.puns sport

@SandyFootwells