Religious Jokes

Not religious jokes obviously – they’re just words. These are jokes about religion and religious people. They won’t mind, will they?

In the last few months I’ve become religious – I’ve started to believe in God and creationism and intelligent design, and the reason… is because of Professor Richard Dawkins. Because when I look at something as complex and intricate and beautiful as Professor Richard Dawkins… I don’t think that could just have evolved by chance…celebrityreligion

Sean Lock

The real miracle is how Jesus got a table for thirteen the evening before Easter.easterreligion

Paul Bassett Davies

Of all the world’s major religions, Christianity is by far the most chocolatey.easterreligion


I’m not a religious man – I don’t even believe in God. But still catholic, obviously.religion

Dara O’Briain

I like the pope. You know that white thing on his head? If you push that down and twist it – he’s full of sweets.religionsurreal

Sean Lock

There are gonna be jokes about religion tonight but they probably won’t be about your religion, they’ll be about one of the other religions. You know, the ones which are wrong.religion

Stewart Lee

I’m an atheist, thank God.religion

Dave Allen

Stop taking it literally. It’s only the bible – it’s not gospel.religion

Dara O’Briain

The mormons base their entire life on a religion that’s old enough for my dad to be like, “Oh yeah – that’s not true! That didn’t happen.”religion

Daniel Tosh

I don’t want to go to hell, because I don’t like new places…religion

Louis CK

As far as I understand it, blasphemy is the notion that there’s a supernatural being who can make oceans, mountains, planets, whole universes – but can still be offended by something I say!religion

Reginald D Hunter

If we were truly created by God, why do we occasionally bite the insides of our mouths?religion

Dara O’Briain

You ever hear girls say that? “I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual.” I like to reply with “I’m not honest, but you’re interesting!”religion

Daniel Tosh

Thank God for Darwin, eh?religion

Bill Bailey

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.religion

George Carlin

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.religion

George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.religion

George Carlin

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