Joke Cliches and Sayings

Joke cliches, silly proverbs and funny metaphors. You know those cliches and sayings repeated by people with no imagination? Here are some alternatives…

A problem shared is a problem halved. Or doubled if the problem is a contagious disease.cliches


Life’s too short to use cliches.cliches

Adam Bloom

I can’t draw to save my life, but luckily for me that’s an unlikely scenario.cliches


In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man should have thought a little harder before opening his telescope business.cliches


“And that’s the way the cookie crumbles.” – Final line in the Cookie Interrogation Manual.cliches


See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you’ll have a penny.cliches


See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you’ll have terrible lower back pain.cliches


The proof is in the pudding. Don’t think I’ll be using that printing company again.cliches


Ask not what your friends can do for you, but what you can do to make them feel guilty for not offering in the first place.cliches


If you were the only girl in the world and I were the only boy… one of us would have some pretty big explaining to do.cliches

Dave Gorman

In the kingdom of the blind the one legged man is probably in the wrong proverb.cliches

Paul Bassett Davies

People who think I’m pretentious need to walk a mile in my Louis Vuittons.cliches


Red sky at night, light of shorter wavelengths being disipated through water vapour and atmospheric dust.
Red sky in the morning, same.
Not as catchy as the original but a lot more accurate.clichesnerdy

Gary Delaney

My thoughts are with the unfortunate people of Gibraltar just now. Stuck between a rock and a hard-up place.clichestopical


If at first you don’t succeed you are clearly not cut out for it. Give up and move on.cliches

Jack Dee

Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll say, “This is boring, can’t we just go back to you giving me fish.”cliches


Given that author, title and brief description of a book are on the cover, I’d say that’s actually one of the best places to judge it.cliches


If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. If you give him a fishing rod, he’ll break it up for firewood. Or swap it for a fish.cliches

Frankie Boyle

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