The best Joan Rivers jokes, quotes and one-liners taken from her long career as a comedian.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.sport
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house and she said, “Get the hell off my property!”misc
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again!misc
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, “The man goes on top and the woman underneath.” For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds!sex
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.medical
I wish I had a twin so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.medical
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.sex