Bill Bailey Jokes

The best Bill Bailey jokes, quotes, tweets and one-liners.

Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey

Stand-up comedian



It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.animalssurreal


Nostalgia. How long has that been around?misc


I’m like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.surreal


Three blind mice walk into a pub. They are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.misc


It’s the joggers I don’t trust, ‘cos they’re always the ones that find the bodies aren’t they.observational


I was in the supermarket. I was at one of the new self-service tills. You know the ones – with the two extra members of staff hanging around.observational


Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome is hilarious!misc


Thank God for Darwin, eh?religion


I’m English and as such, I crave disappointment.countries


Bill Bailey DVDs

Bill Bailey: Qualmpeddler (Live 2013)

Bill Bailey Live: Dandelion Mind

Bill Bailey’s Remarkable Guide To The Orchestra

Bill Bailey – Tinselworm

Bill Bailey Live: Part Troll

Black Books – Series 1-3

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