Thousands of very funny short jokes and one-liners from professional comedians and hilarious amateurs. Here are some of the latest jokes to be added…

The doctor says to this fella, “I’ve got bad news and worse news.” He says, “Oh give me the bad news.” He says, “You’ve got 24 hours to live.” “What’s the worse news?” “I forgot to call you yesterday.”medical

Larry The Cable Guy

I’ve just bought the thickest moisturiser in the world. To be honest it still hasn’t sunk in yet.puns

Gary Delaney

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, “Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?” I said, “All right, but we won’t get much done.”misc

Jimmy Carr

My biggest disappointment in Friends was when Joey’s mum turned up and she wasn’t a kangaroo.misc


I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.medical

George Carlin

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Professional Comedians

If you want to find out more about the professional comedians who have written
some of the material on this site, I have listed some of them below:

Those listed above are not the only authors on this site; but they are the professionals who make their living
from their ability to be funny, to perform on stage, create scripts, sell DVDs, etc.

So please visit their websites to find out more about them. You never know, there may be one performing soon near you!

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About Premier Jokes

Hi, I’m Rich Allen, and this is my collection of short funny jokes and one-liners.

The jokes on this site are mostly one-liners from professional comedians and hilarious amateurs. Professional stand-up comedians are under pressure to get a laugh every 10 to 15 seconds,
and most of their material consists of short one-liners or longer sets with laughs at regular intervals.

Some comedians, like Tim Vine or Steven Wright, are able to get loads of laughs with a string of very funny short jokes whilst some others, like Jerry Seinfeld or Dara O’Briain, have a more observational style which is just as effective.

And the professionals now have some serious competition – amateurs are able to get some very funny material to a wider audience via Twitter.

On these pages there are hundreds of one-liners and short jokes from these talented people. I also perform the occasional stand-up gig and so you’ll see a few of my own jokes scattered here and there.

As Twitter is becoming a bigger source of this material, I have started to retweet a selection from my @PremierJokes account.

Every addition to this site is credited with its author, where known.

Dotted throughout this site there are links to Amazon, where comedians’ books and DVDs can be purchased. These are affiliate links and will earn me a few pennies commission if you go ahead with a purchase.